My Yucky, Messy, Glorious Life

My Yucky, Messy, Glorious Life

In my ‘Hurricane of Love’ post I spoke about being in the eye of the storm, with the storm being a recent health concern.  Concern is what it was –  not an actual diagnosis of cancer – just a “concern” that I might have cancer. I didn’t have cancer. Whew! What a relief! That isn’t to say that I don’t have cancer, because apparently (according to health experts) we all have some cancer cells within us. Ironic isn’t it?

It took 3 doctor’s appointments, 3 invasive/surgical procedures, over $3000 worth of medical charges and almost 3 months of tests, inconclusive tests and procedures with more tests (biopsies analyzed) until I could let this concern go.  I chose to keep taking step after medical step because the doctor said time was of the essence with this kind of cancer – that early detection is the difference between living and dying. I thought, “Okay, just one more step.”

But then, further necessary steps just kept coming…

Through all of it, I was comforted by the God message I had received right away..

“you will be fine, but it will be a huge challenge.”

This was that internal clear voice that I help others to hear, so I paid attention.  I received this Angel message within minutes of leaving the doctor’s office where he said, “okay, I feel a mass and this changes things.”

This Divine message became the faith link, carried in my heart the entire time I was on this particular journey…and what a wondrous journey it was!

I LOVE taking the experiences in my life – difficult or joyous – and consciously connecting with the insights, healing and self transformation that occurs with those experiences.

It makes the experience mean so much more and the end result is that I become more empowered instead of feeling victimized.   I also believe that some part of myself chooses this path.  Not that I felt in control of the path that I was on, that I created the mass that the doctor felt, and on and on.  No, what I understand about my being is that I am here on this planet to come closer and closer to loving myself more and understanding my highest potential for Love’s expression in my life.  I am exploring life and these challenges are Divinely brought to my experience to accentuate my existence, not hamper my existence. What are some of my conscious take-aways from THIS adventure? I got to see that faced with the choice of life or my next Divine transition, that I choose this life right now.  I got to recommitted myself to not just a so-so life, but a big, glorious, yucky, exciting, demanding, hold on to your britches kind of life!  It is so wondrous when we are allowed to feel our own commitment to our experience of life and the beauty and gift that any kind of life gives us – a big time gift! I learned that I had a touch of guilt when I found out there was no cancer.  Crazy huh?  Because I PAY ATTENTION to my feelings and out of alignment thoughts, I really noticed this crazy emotion within me.  Once I recognized the guilt, I immediately saw the foundation of this guilt.  The foundation holding this guilt was an embedded NON-truth in my being – a flawed belief that got stuck.

I absolutely know that it is beautiful and perfect that others were concerned for me and prayed for me…

People had done what I do for others all the time – what I do as a living for others for God’s sake!  Had I EVER been upset that I had spent time sending Love as prayer energy to others after finding out that they were actually fine?  NO – NOT EVER had I felt that love sent to others was a waste of my time. Yet, I was somehow feeling guilty for “wasting” others time.  Oh… so whacked!  So many people had prayed for me and sent me waves of love and I felt them big time.  Had I not had all the love coming my way, I wouldn’t have been able to see the misguided little inner child that feels that asking for attention is wrong unless there is a real, valid “situation”.

My wounded inner child was thinking that I should be a good little girl and give others love and attention, but that I don’t deserve that attention myself unless something is wrong, or I have a valid need.

Maybe this comes from being the 9th child of a family of 10 children.  Actually, I am most certain this comes from being one of many that my mother needed to care for.  It was like a triage situation – care for the most seriously injured or needy first.  I poignantly remember being attended to with such love and care when I got a bee sting playing in the back yard.  This ‘love moment’ is unfortunately a distorted snapshot of love I’ve carried with me all these years –  where links to hurt were linked to care and attention like little brain neuropath ways. While it is interesting to me, it really isn’t necessary that I pin point when/where the misguided truth found its way into my being.  What is important is that I saw it.  I saw that glimmer of guilt and I knew it wasn’t my Divine truth.  So, through a conscious choice to bring Love, through connection with energy and Angels, I choose to heal that part of my inner child.  I consciously and purposefully have taken a step closer to my fullest Divine Self.

This is my life’s joy – finding and bringing in healing to any experience, conscious thought or non-truth that stands between me and myself – that highest version of myself – my Divine being.

I do it ALL the time for myself because it elevates my being into a different state of contentment, connection with the ALL of me.

I can help you do that for yourself.

We can use so many Love tools to help you see your own experiences from a different perspective.

If you notice an emotion or feeling that doesn’t feel congruent with what you know to be your Divine truth, call me for a session.

It can make your little inner child very happy.

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